Tal Ben Shahar author of “Happier,” recently stated in an interview with Brian Johnson that the#1 predictor of happiness is: “the amount of quality time spent with those people that care about us and that we care about.”
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Have you ever caught yourself using the word “should” a lot in your life? I SHOULD have gone to the gym today, I SHOULD have had less wine, I SHOULD have studies more for my test, I SHOULD have called my friend today. Or whatever. Stephen Guise author of “How to Be an Imperfectionist” recommends we use the words “could have” instead of “should have.” He says, “Do this when reviewing past actions because you really don’t know exactly how something might have turned out. It’s also much more empowering.” Try this today and catch yourself whenever you use the word “should” and re-state the sentence using the word “could.” See how this changes how you feel.
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In Dustin Garis’ Ted Talk: “Pursuit of a Memorable Life”, he tells a story of how when he was in Moscow he met a Russian man who said, “Life is not the number of days you live, it is the number of days you remember!”
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Do you ever catch yourself feeling bad about yourself or your life after looking through your Facebook or Instagram feed? You’re not alone. A 2018 study concluded that there is in fact a causal link between the use of social media and negative effects on well-being, primarily depression and loneliness. The study was published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. Author Mark Manson spoke about this on ‘The New Man Podcast’ with Tripp Lanier. Manson said, “We only see the ‘highlight reel” of people’s lives: this creates a perception of what is ‘normal’.
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Do you tend to start things in your life only to fail to keep going with them? Do you make a change only to fall back to your old ways? If so, perhaps you are relying on motivation too much. Jim Rohn said, “Motivation gets you started. Habit keeps you going.”
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Not sure where to focus your energy or what change to make in your life? In his book "Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential” Michael Beckwith asks, “What’s the number one thing your soul is begging you to do? “
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Perhaps you have the mindset that you are going to suffer through your working years so that one day you can retire and start enjoying life. According to Warren Buffet: “Working your ass off so that one day you can retire and do what you love to do makes about as much sense as saving up sex for old age.”
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Are you putting in the work but not seeing the results you’re hoping for. Don’t worry. Stay the course. In the book, “The Power of Your Supermind: Great cosmic wisdom explained in a clear and practical way” by Vernon Howard, Bamboo is discussed. “Bamboo can grow as much as 13 feet in one week but can take up to 7 years to break though the surface of the ground. Be patient with your evolution.”
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Before jumping into your next work project or task, do a quick scan of your mood. If you’re not in a positive state, it’s to your advantage to do something to lift your mood prior to starting your project. Shawn Achor, author of “The Happiness Advantage,” talks about a few studies that show why. In a 1980’s study, 4 year olds were asked to think of their happiest memories (Example: I had jello for lunch yesterday). Then the researchers told the 4 year olds to put blocks together. They put them together 66% faster and more accurately than the neutral subjects. In a 1997 study, researchers primed doctors to be in a more positive state before making a diagnosis. These doctors were 19% faster and more accurate at correctly diagnosing the issue. Achor jokes that “therefor you should give the doctor a lollypop instead of the other way around.”
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During his Ted Talk, Tim Ferris makes the following suggestion: When attempting a project, ask “What might be the benefits of a partial success of an attempt?”
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In his book, “Meditations,” Marcus Aurelius states the following dose of realism: “At your death, at least one person will be happy no matter how amazing or saintly you lived so don’t sweat the opinions of others nor try to please everyone!” How might you use this perspective in your favor as you move forward?
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In his book, “Die Empty”, author Todd Henry
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The late John Denver once said, “I think I’d like most to be remembered in that I stood up for what I believed in.”
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In the book, “The Power of Your Super Mind”, author Vernon Howard suggests that we start to “learn to love situations that make you feel uncomfortable-that way you can be comfortable in all situations.”
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In the book, “Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life” authors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans talk about reframing the concept of feeling lost. Instead, state, “I don’t always know where I’m going but I know if I’m going in the right direction.”
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In the book, “The Magic of Thinking Big,” David Schwartz states: “Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking.”
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Are you a people-pleaser? Perhaps you take great pride in not letting people down. Although that can be noble, your good intentions may actually be harming you. Author Cheryl Richardson said it this way: “You can’t live a soul directed life until you realize you need to be unpopular to live your highest self. You will piss people off and disappoint people.”
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Is there something in your life you really want? Here’s a liberating approach that blends control and surrender and comes from author Jack Canfield. He talks of the idea of “High attention but low attachment to desired outcome. Say to yourself, “I’m focused on doing this in hopes of ________ or something better.”
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Nathaniel Branden ( author and psychotherapist), stated, “We need to be comfortable with our own company…Tell me how a person judges his or her self-esteem, and I will tell you how that person operates at work, in love, in sex, in parenting, in every important aspect of existence…
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Do you know the biggest difference between happy people and unhappy people? It’s not money, relationship status, race, religion, nationality, or gender. According to Marci Shimoff, author of ‘Happy For No Reason’, “the biggest difference between happy and unhappy people: habits.”
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